Divas Seasons2

Tuesday...Everything You Did NOT Ask About Halloween Because You Were Afraid I Would Tell You..ONE MORE TIME

2010-10-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

Customs and Traditions of Halloween...

A longer more detailed post ( Which I did not write but merely copied ) was here last year but had to be removed.

Apparently I have poked someone with my broom one too many times..Or maybe it was their broom who knows?

Anywho... To the person/persons I riled up.... No Halloween questions for you...One year.

Wicked Wednesday...The Doctor Is Back

2010-06-09T04:56:00.000-07:00

Tuesday...EWWWW... Look at all these cobwebs on my blog!

2010-06-08T04:50:00.000-07:00

Today's Random Fact:

A snail can sleep for three years.

This is for anyone wondering where I've been...Snail watching
And if you didn't wonder...Never mind.

Monday..."Insert Andy Of Mayberry Theme Song Here"

2010-03-22T04:31:00.000-07:00

Back Soon...

Love,

ME!

Thursday...Little Diva (aka My Sister) Haz A Rant

2010-03-18T04:19:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill...
Barefoot... BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I
was going to lay a bunch of stuff on my kids about how hard I had it and
how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look
around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've
got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the
card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a
pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter
of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission! Nowhere was
safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music,
you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ
would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! There were no CD
players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and
"eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it
useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy junk like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

There weren't any cell phones either. If you left the house, you just
didn't make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch
with your "friends". OH MY!!! Think of the horror... not being in touch
with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You
kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no
idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your
sweetheart, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to
pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels
or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win.
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until
you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were out of luck when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off
your behind and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
Oh, no! What's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for
cartoons, you spoiled little brats!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had
to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no!
No electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside or said
you were bored... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung
on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the
last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the
dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first
place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have it too
easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes
back in 1980 or any time before!

Regards,

Little Diva & The Over 30 Crowd

Olc An Chéadaoin...Beannacht Lá Fhéile Pádraig !!!

2010-03-17T04:06:00.000-07:00

Not Really Wicked Just Fun

Sunday...Today is Einsteins Birthday!

2010-03-14T01:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Dude...Birthday Pi for everyone...!!!

Friday Funny...March Is National Craft Month

2010-03-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

OH GOODY!!!!

Are you ready to......

???????

NO? Then Go Here For More

Wicked Wednesday...A Hunting We Will Go!

2010-03-10T04:03:00.000-08:00

Monday...WTF Monday...Something whose time has come

2010-03-08T02:18:00.000-08:00

Go here

You won't regret it...I hope.

Another Funny Brought To You By...Two Sisters Productions

Sunday Funnies...

2010-03-07T02:40:00.000-08:00

POWER OUTAGE

At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an

explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my

Story.

"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually

kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier

smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I

need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then

slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf.

This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of

horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the

left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad

so we can get everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised,

and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and

neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied

gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of

square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!

Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working.

Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door.

'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open

so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how

Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked

with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed

between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type

greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I

knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as

much calmness as Possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take

care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the

line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The

power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to

lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the

clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said

'Case Dismissed!!'..

Another Funny Brought To You By...Two Sisters Produtions

Wicked Wednesday...One of THOSE Days

2010-03-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

Monday...WTF Monday...It's The First Day Of March...And National Squirrel Appreciation Day

2010-03-01T02:07:00.000-08:00

It's not really National Squirrel Appreciation Day....That was January 21st....No, I'm not kidding!

See for yourself here

Friday Funny...You know these folks

2010-02-26T05:26:00.000-08:00

38 KINDER, GENTLER WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS NOT VERY BRIGHT

1. A few clowns short of a circus

2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal

3. An experiment in artificial stupidity

4. A few beers short of a six-pack

5. Dumber than a box of hair

6. A few peas short of a casserole

7. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box

8. The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead

9. One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl

10. One taco short of a combo plate

11. A few feathers short of a whole duck

12. All foam, no beer

13.The cheese slid off the cracker

14. Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel

15. Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt

16. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear

17. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

18. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down

19. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools

20. As smart as bait

21. Chimney's clogged

22. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash

23. Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair

24. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor

25. Forgot to pay his brain bill

26. Her sewing machine's out of thread

27. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels

28. His belt doesn't go through all the loops

29. If he had another brain it would be lonely

30. Missing a few buttons on his remote control

31. No grain in the silo

32. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse

33. Receiver is off the hook

34. Several nuts short of a full pouch

35. Skylight leaks a little

36. Slinky's kinked

37. Surfing in Nebraska

38. Too much yardage between the goal posts

Got any from your neck of the woods?

Wicked Wednesday...Business As Usual

2010-02-24T05:49:00.000-08:00

Monday...WTF Monday...The Foodie Edition

2010-02-22T02:31:00.000-08:00

Except for this one.Which might be considered a fetish...

Thursday...Hey Snow..You've been warned!

2010-02-18T05:15:00.000-08:00

This pic is for all my blogging friends who have survived the last few weeks of...Snowmeggedon!

(Whoever coined that word please step forward)

.....Picture courtesy of My Sister.....

Wicked Wednesday...The "Twisted Childrens Classics" Edition

2010-02-17T05:07:00.000-08:00

Monday...WTF Monday...Road Trip

2010-02-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

Sunday...Happy Valentines Day...Warning... Nude Picture

2010-02-14T06:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines + Happy Chinese New Year!

Xin Nian Kuai Le! Gong Hay Fat Choy!

It's also National Condom Day....

So much partying and so little time

Wicked Wednesday...My Sister Just Keeps'em Coming...

2010-02-03T06:10:00.000-08:00

A Cardiologist's Funeral...

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very

elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life...

A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during

the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was rolled

inside.The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful

heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all

eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of

my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.'

The proctologist fainted.

The Badge...

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher.

He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown

drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over

there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the

authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear

pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the

rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever

I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I

made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA

officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis

bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems

likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is

clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence

and yells at the top of his lungs.....

" Your badge.. Show him your BADGE ! "

Tuesday...Groundhogs Day

2010-02-02T02:01:00.000-08:00

Looking for some exciting things to do on Groundhogs Day?
Go here and here for more fun.

Wicked Wednesday...My Sister Sends A Funny

2010-01-27T04:34:00.000-08:00

Tinkle

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked

robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in

because it was too risky to operate...

She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in

tears.

'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet

came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.'

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16

years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the

Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came

out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with my self and I shot the dog.'

Monday...I Was Gone With The Wind...But Now I'm Back...Does Anyone Give A Damn?

2010-01-25T07:40:00.000-08:00

Monday...Ghosts In The Machine..AKA..Computer Problems

2010-01-04T05:53:00.000-08:00

Thats an understatement...

I'm working on it!

Thursday...To My Blogging Friends

2009-12-31T17:03:00.000-08:00

See you next year.This one's been a blast and things can only get better.

Wicked Wednesday...Some Blasts From The Past

2009-12-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

Tuesday...Loose Lips...OMG!

2009-12-29T04:18:00.000-08:00

LOOSE LIPS:

"If you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures,

then I feel bad for him." – Rihanna, revealing that the nude

pictures leaked of her in May were a gift for her ex Chris

Brown, to New York City radio station Hot 97

What a wonderful role model for our children...GAH!

Monday...Annoying Monday

2009-12-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

101 Ways To Annoy People...77 through 101

77. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

78. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

79. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

80. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

81. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

82. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

83. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

84. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

85. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

86. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

87. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

88. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

89. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

90. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

91. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

92. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

93. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

94. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

95. Drive half a block.

96. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

97. Ask people what gender they are.

98. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

99. Regift a gift that was regifted to you to the person that gave it in the first place.

100. Thank the person who gave it to you in front of the person you gave it to.

101. Ask people to read annoying lists........; )

.

Thursday...A Christmas Eve Giggle...

2009-12-24T07:22:00.000-08:00

Wicked Wednesday...The Frosty Edition

2009-12-23T04:36:00.000-08:00

Monday...Annoying Monday

2009-12-21T03:57:00.000-08:00

101 Ways To Annoy People...51 Thru 76

51. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

52. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

53. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

54. Sniffle incessantly.

55. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

56. Name your dog "Dog."

57. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

58. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

59. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

60. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

61. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

62. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

63. Practice making fax and modem noises.

64. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

65. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

66. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

67. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

68. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

69. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

70. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

71. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

72. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

73. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

74. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

76. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

What a surprise..Another Tom and "Friends" Showing Today!

Friday...Holiday Home Tour...Fail

2009-12-18T12:03:00.000-08:00

Due to circustances beyond my control...^%&*@^& camera...I will have to post my pictures later this weekend..
I'm sorry * insert frowny face here *
I AM however coming to visit you....I will even BMOB...LOL!

Enjoy this picture until I get there...

Friday...Countdown To Christmas...Part Three

2009-12-18T03:51:00.000-08:00

Short and sweet this week I have a Holiday Home Tour to post today as well!

Wicked Wednesday...The Frosty Edition...More Than You Bargained For

2009-12-16T03:09:00.000-08:00

Monday...Annoying Monday..

2009-12-14T03:59:00.000-08:00

101 Ways To Annoy People...26 thru 50

26. Drum on every available surface.

27. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

29. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

20. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

30. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

31. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

32. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

33. Set alarms for random times.

34. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

35. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

36. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

37. Honk and wave to strangers.

38. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

39. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

40. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

41. Wear your pants backwards.

42. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

43. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

44. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

45. only type in lowercase.

46. dont use any punctuation either

47. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

48. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

49. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

50. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

A New Tom and "Friends" Present Is Ready For Your Viewing Pleasure...

Friday...Countdown To Christmas...Part Two

2009-12-11T04:48:00.000-08:00

Wicked Wednesday...The Frosty Edition Part Two

2009-12-09T04:50:00.000-08:00

Don't Forget To Watch This Weeks New

Tom and "Friends" Present...!

Monday...Annoying Monday

2009-12-07T03:54:00.000-08:00

101 Ways To Annoy People...1 thru 25

1. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

2. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

3. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

4. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

5. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

6. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

7.Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

8.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

9.Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

10.Wear a LOT of cologne.

11.Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

12.Sing along at the opera.

13.Mow your lawn with scissors.

14.At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

15. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

16. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

17. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

18. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

19. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

20. Never make eye contact.

21. Never break eye contact..

22. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

23. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

24. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

25. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Friday...Countdown To Christmas

2009-12-04T02:12:00.000-08:00

Wicked Wednesday..The Frosty Edition

2009-12-02T05:14:00.000-08:00

Tuesday...Let The Festivities Begin!

2009-12-01T05:23:00.000-08:00

Friday...Black Friday...Thank Goddess For Interweb Shopping!

2009-11-27T02:05:00.000-08:00

Thursday...Happy Thanksgiving To All My Blogging Buddies.

2009-11-26T02:20:00.000-08:00

Wicked Wednesday...One Lonely Joke...But It's A Good One!

2009-11-25T04:05:00.000-08:00

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the
door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.

'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.
'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.'

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home.
He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
'What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.

'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'

Joke supplied by my lovely sister who has an equally wicked sense of humor...

Monday...This Just In!!!

2009-11-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment

Ain't cha glad you read my blog?

Monday...A Non-Brainy Puzzle For People Who Stayed Up Late Last Night Drinking Wine With A Bunch Of Friends...Oh Wait...That Was Me

2009-11-23T03:52:00.000-08:00

Saturday...Turkey Fun

2009-11-21T05:27:00.000-08:00

For some insane reason I can't post any YouTube videos on my blog...WAAAAA!

So cut and paste this bad boy in and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlitbJKaYy0&feature=related

P.S. I know I could have done a link here but isn't cutting and pasting more fun? Sorta like doing crafts and such?

U Can't stuff this

2009-11-21T05:20:00.001-08:00

Thursday...Countdown To Thanksgiving...Week Three..WARNING Extra Spicy !

2009-11-19T02:46:00.000-08:00

20 Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4.If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5.Whew, that's one terrific spread!

6.I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?

20. ????????????????????????????????

OOPS! I only have 19..Help a fellow blogger out will ya..Give me number 20.

Wicked Wednesday...Cavemen...It Wasn't That Easy

2009-11-18T02:45:00.000-08:00

Monday...Stuff

2009-11-16T04:40:00.000-08:00

This is my new favorite fun site! You must go there for more chickeny humor..Chickeny?

Thursday...Countdown To Thanksgiving...Week Two

2009-11-12T03:37:00.000-08:00

Wicked Wednesday...The Doctor Is In...Part XXIV

2009-11-11T02:06:00.000-08:00

Saturday...One Item On Mr Divas Honey-Do List

2009-11-07T05:06:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you have all seen these cute little decals on someones car, maybe even yours.

Recently it has come to my attention...Ok I saw it on the local news...That these innocent little pictures could pose a hazard by pointing out to a less scrupulous person (AKA: perverts) how many people are in your family,your kids,hobbies etc. To make matters worse some people are even putting each family members name under his or her likeness.

No worries here,I just sent Mr. Diva out to scrape all our decals off, just to be on the safe side you know.

I'm gonna miss those little cuties...

Thursday...Countdown To Thanksgiving

2009-11-05T07:08:00.001-08:00

Wicked Wednesday...Noah And Friends

2009-11-04T04:42:00.000-08:00

Monday...I Got Nothin

2009-11-02T05:07:00.001-08:00

Today's Random Fact:

If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest
amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

Saturday...Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T02:02:00.000-07:00

And it wouldn't be Halloween without my favorite cartoon of all...

Friday...Maxine Does Halloween AND A Public Service Announcement

2009-10-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

Thursday...Warning... Danger! Danger!

2009-10-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday!

A Fabulous ~~one hundred~~ twenty nine and holding.

How do I maintain my youthful glow?

My get up and go...

My life as a whole?

Excessive Everything...In moderation of course!

Wicked Wednesday...Fractured Fairy Tales...

2009-10-28T05:01:00.000-07:00

Sunday..."Git Down In Yer Punkin Day" ...The Day After

2009-10-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

It Started out like this....

And ended up like this...

More pics soon...

Saturday...Halloween Countdown #4...WARNING This One Has A Little Extra Spice

2009-10-24T02:49:00.000-07:00

SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING TOO OLD FOR TRICK OR TREATING

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Friday...Here Ye! Here Ye!

2009-10-23T04:08:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION...

Tomorrow is our Seventh Annual "Git Down In Yer Punkin Day"

This is where we invite family and friends over and give them sharp knives,tiny saws,refreshing adult beverages AND their very own pumpkin to ~~mutilate~~...er...I mean carve.

Pictures of the ~~massacre~~...ummmm...I mean masterpieces will be on display next week.

Carry On...

Wicked Wednesday...More Chicken

2009-10-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?...

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good of man.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and uccessfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held in park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
BILL CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

Saturday...Countdown To Halloween...#3

2009-10-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

Satan Says Hi!.......

Friday...Listen Up Pilgrims

2009-10-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

It's date night for me and Mr. Diva...

Don't wait up.

Wicked Wednesday...Answering That Age Old Question...

2009-10-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

And for my male readers a girl with big jugs.....

Saturday...Countdown To Halloween...Week Two

2009-10-10T05:40:00.000-07:00

Wicked Wednesday...Fun At Work

2009-10-07T02:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday...Countdown To Halloween

2009-10-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

Saturday...It's Talk Like A Pirate Day Y'all !!!

2009-09-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

So read this .....

And go here.....

Thats all I got....Too much grog last nite....meh

Wicked Wednesday...One Of THOSE Days

2009-09-16T05:37:00.001-07:00

Wicked Wednesday...Married Life

2009-09-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

Monday....Signs That Your Labor Day Travels May Have Gone Awry

2009-09-07T06:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Labor Day!

Have fun.....;-)

Thursday...It's back to school kids

2009-08-14T04:55:00.001-07:00

A student comes to a young professor's office after hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels and pleadingly says. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper.
"Would you...study?"

Wicked Wednesday...Lawyers...A Necessary Evil

2009-08-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

Wicked Wednesday...Island Tales

2009-08-05T05:08:00.001-07:00

Monday...Food News...B.O.R.I.N.G !!

2009-08-03T05:26:00.000-07:00

Today is National Watermelon Day..Eat up y'all!

Wicked Wednesday...Life Lessons 101

2009-07-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

Friday...This Week In DivaLand

2009-07-24T03:51:00.000-07:00

Wicked Wednesday...Butts...Without All Those Pesky If's and Ands

2009-07-22T02:32:00.000-07:00

Friday Funnie...

2009-07-17T02:00:00.000-07:00

How to Wash a Cat

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to
the water in the bowl...

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the
lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the
noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash'
and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that
there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,
and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Yours Sincerely,

The Dog

******This late breaking news just in from C.A.T. news agency******

Wicked Wednesday...One Giggle

2009-07-15T02:20:00.000-07:00

Obsessions...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand & whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us."

Friday Funnie...

2009-07-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

BBQ RULES

The BBQ season is in full swing.. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert .

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the importint part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL!

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT
TO THE WOMAN!

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking
efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Wicked Wednesday...Internet Fun

2009-07-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

REQUIRED COURSES FOR NEW INTERNET USERS ...

1. An Introduction to Things Everyone Else Has Already Seen

2. Sub-Title: Don't Forward This!

3. Two Paragraphs or Less: Writing An Email People Will Actually Read

4. The Economic Improbabilities of Nigerian Princes

5. Origins and Proper Use of the Caps Lock Key

6. Should I Forward This Email? Three Questions to Ask Yourself

7. Lose vs. Loose: The Eternal Struggle

8. Links You Should Never Click: The Advanced Class

9. You Are Not the 1,000,000,000 Visitor: Why You Didn't Win

10. The Psychology of Web Page Design, or "Don't Click That Ad!"

Monday...Monday Morning At The Movies

2009-07-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to July's Monday Morning At The Movies, times awastin so grab yourself your favorite edible movie indulgence and a diet soda because we all know that it will
cancel out ALL those bad calories...Right?

Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda....Just when we thought that chapter of our mindless television watching lives was a done deal the girls kiss and make -up and grind out a made for T.V. movie...For the big screen!!!

So who's to say this can't go on forever? For the movie lovers among us who just can't get enough of those wild and crazy New York gals, this one is for you!

Wizards and Warlocks and Witches oh my! I love me some Harry Potter
From a young and slightly naive young lad.

To a not yet world weary but still naive man.

I say let the fun never end..Nice receding hairline Harry.

Wicked Wednesday...Why men should not write advice columns

2009-07-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in bed with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

************************************************

Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps,

WALTER

Tuesday...Safety Tips From Tom...Tip #23 Shipping Safety

2009-06-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

When shipping yourself to Grandmas for the summer make sure you choose the right size box.It is almost certain that you have grown since the last time you tried this. Measure twice and pack once.This will insure a comfortable mailing experience.

Monday...Monday Morning Bridal Fair...Some Final Funnies

2009-06-29T04:34:00.000-07:00

The points system for men! Now a simple way to show your guy what you really want before or after the wedding.It's always about the score of the game with them anyway...

Simple Duties:

You make the bed
+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows
0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets
-1
You leave the toilet seat up
-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty
0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex
-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom
-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings
+5
But return with beer
-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something
+5
You pummel it with a six iron
+10
It's her father
-10

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party
0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy
-2
Named Tiffany
-4
Tiffany is a dancer
-6
Tiffany has implants
-8

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner
0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar
+1
Okay, it is a sports bar
-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night
-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team
-10

A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal
-5
And the pal is happily married
-4
Or frighteningly single
-7
And he drives a Mustang
-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)
-15

A Night Out:

You take her to a movie
+2
You take her to a movie she likes
+4
You take her to a movie you hate
+6
You take her to a movie you like
-2
It's called DeathCop 3
-3
Which features cyborgs having sex
-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans
-15

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly
-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it
+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts
-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"
-800

The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?"
-5
You hesitate in responding
-10
You reply, "Where?"
-35

Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression
0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes
+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV
+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep
-30

Friday Funny...

2009-06-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

The Half-Wit...

A man owned a small farm in the midwest. The State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with the wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," said the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Wicked Wednesday...Not So Wicked, But Cute

2009-06-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

Monday...Monday Morning Bridal Fair..Everything Else

2009-06-22T05:20:00.000-07:00

Today's Bridal Fair takes us on a trip around the interwebs so help yourself to a virtual piece of wedding cake grab another cup of coffee and lets go...

Strangest wedding rituals? Go here for a look see.

Most expensive engagement rings? Go here for a jaw dropping,eye popping, wallet emptying gander.

Honeymoon anyone? Here is where the celebrities go to keep doing what they were doing before they got married.

And last ,but not least, the worlds worst bridesmaid dresses.You know you want to look

Now wasn't that fun?

Due to last weeks technical difficulties...

2009-06-21T05:41:00.000-07:00

Wicked Wednesday...The Reaper Is In The House

2009-06-10T07:15:00.001-07:00

Monday...Monday Morning Bridal Fair...The Wedding Dress?

2009-06-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

What are your views on these ~~horrifying, cornea burning, brain exploding~~ lovely creations?

Wicked Wednesday...Who Puts The "Fun" In Funeral?

2009-06-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

The caption in the cartoon above says...

"If that thing says one word, I'm leaving!"

Monday...Monday Morning Bridal Fair...The Cake

2009-06-01T05:05:00.000-07:00

Just how awesome is this cake? It is made entirely from Krispy Kremes and is certainly a great

alternative for those of you who don't want or like cake (do these people really exist?) Not to mention that it apparently cost under $100 and took the creator just thirty minutes to put together. The bride responsible says it the donuts are all powdered to give the white effect whilst the inner portions are glazed rings and chocolate, the latter pilfered from the groom's cake.

This wedding cake is constructed entirely from Legos. Too crunchy for my taste.

The most outrageous wedding cake ... ever
Yes, that is a life-sized replica of the bride in cake form. 5'4" tall Chidi Ogbuta, the bride, said she always wanted a lookalike doll and since she never got one of those, she went for the cake instead.
If I'd been her fiance, it would have made me think twice about marrying her - not least because he had to stick a knife in it! - but each to their own, I suppose.

Of course the top of the cake sometimes tells the whole story.....

Friday Funny...

2009-05-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!"he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge
towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and
saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on
top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to
strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my Goddess/God!"

Time Stopped.The bear froze.The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "'You
deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and
even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you
out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of
me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a believer now, but perhaps you
could make the BEAR a believer?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear
dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head &
spoke: "'Dear Goddess/God, bless this food, which I am about to receive from
thy great bounty, Amen."