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Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday Funnies...
POWER OUTAGE
At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an
explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my
Story.
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually
kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier
smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I
need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then
slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf.
This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of
horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the
left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad
so we can get everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised,
and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and
neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied
gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of
square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working.
Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door.
'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open
so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'
Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how
Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked
with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed
between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type
greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I
knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as
much calmness as Possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take
care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the
line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no
attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The
power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to
lunch. Are we upset?'
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said
'Case Dismissed!!'..
Another Funny Brought To You By...Two Sisters Produtions
At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an
explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my
Story.
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually
kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier
smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I
need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then
slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf.
This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of
horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the
left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad
so we can get everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised,
and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and
neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied
gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of
square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working.
Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door.
'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open
so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'
Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how
Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked
with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed
between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type
greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I
knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as
much calmness as Possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take
care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the
line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no
attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The
power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to
lunch. Are we upset?'
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said
'Case Dismissed!!'..
Another Funny Brought To You By...Two Sisters Produtions
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