Sunday, March 2, 2008

Sunday Funnies...





The Half-Wit...



A man owned a small farm in the midwest. The State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.



"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.



"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."



"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," said the agent.



"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Wicked Wednesday...Kids!...Take A Bow.













Bizarre Holidays...February 25 - March 3

The only reason to face Monday...

Bizarre Holidays...


National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2/24 - 3/1
Telecommuter Appreciation Week 2/24 - 3/1
Read Me Week 2/25 - 3/2
Texas Cowboy Poetry Week 2/29 - 3/2







Out of these four I choose Texas Cowboy Poetry Week..I love me some Texas Cowboys spewing poetry. WOW ! Here's some now! You can go here to find out all the news on this years to do!



Of course nobody in their right mind would listen to Cowboy Poetry without a heaping, steaming hot,spicy bowl of Chili! My second choice for this week is National Chili Day! MMMMM...Chili! Here is a fabulous recipe I use when the boys have a hankering for HOT!





Spicy Chili...

This spicy chili is made with beef, beans, and tomatoes, along with chile peppers and seasonings.

INGREDIENTS:
2 medium onions, chopped
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/2 to 1 hot chile pepper - jalapeno, serrano, or habanero, seeded and minced
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/3 cup pure mild chili powder
3 pounds coarsely ground beef
1 teaspoons dried Mexican oregano or Italian leaf oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 can (14.5 ounces) diced tomatoes with juice, or chili style tomatoes
2 cups beef broth
1/2 teaspoon ground cayenne
1 cup (15 ounces) pinto beans, drained and rinsed
3 to 4 tablespoons tequila (Place one shot glass within easy reach)
shredded Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese, optional
sour cream, optional
canned nacho-sliced jalapeno peppers, optional


PREPARATION:
In a large Dutch oven or kettle (Or any damn pot YOU like to use), cook the onions in the oil, covered, over medium heat. Uncover and continue to cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are golden, but not browned, about 5 minutes longer. (This is a good time to taste test the Tequlia)
Add the garlic, minced chile peppers, and ground cumin. Cook, stirring often, for about 2 minutes. Add the chili powder and cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute.
Add the ground beef, oregano, and salt. Cook, stirring often, until the meats are no longer pink, 8 to 10 minutes. Add the crushed tomatoes, stock, cayenne, and bay leaf (Sometimes we here at DivaLand do not HAVE any Bay Leaves..I'm just sayin). Bring to a boil, reduce the heat to medium-low, and simmer, with cover slightly ajar, for about 1 1/2 hours.( Now where are those Tequlia shot recipes?)
Add the beans, crushing some of them against the side of the pot to help thicken the chili. Add the tequila (And for the cook two too) and season with additional salt and cayenne to taste. Simmer, uncovered, for 10 to 15 minutes longer.
Good or better when reheated and freezes well for up to 3 months, though it may need an extra dash of cayenne before serving.Serves 8.Top each serving with shredded cheese, a teaspoon of sour cream, and jalapeno pepper slices, if desired.( And more Tequila for the cook/chef/bottle washer...After the stoven is shutted down and out or what ever...Just no fire 'K?)


ANYWHO..Back to the holidays...

For Pete's Sake Day 2/26
Spay Day U.S.A. 2/26
Inconvenience Yourself Day 2/27
National Chili Day 2/28
Floral Design Day 2/28
National Tooth Fairy Day 2/28
Leap Year Day 2/29



For Petes Sake Day...I can't say it..alright yes I can. For Petes Sake what is that all about?
Spay Day...All my pets ...Been there done that.
Inconveniece Yourself Day intrigued me until I realized I do that EVERYDAY...Blea!
Floral Design Day...UMMM..That should have been closer to Valentines Day.
National Tooth Fairy Day...That would be "The Boys" celebration.
Leap Year Day...Yea ! Another day to party in DivaLand....; )






This week is gonna be fun!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Spring...Please Hurry!

As beautiful as this is I am sooo ready for Spring!



Just waking up to one of these is worth the wait.



The fresh new colors...




Unexpected blooms...





Who doesn't just love Spring!





All these shots were taken right here in my little old yard..By Me!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Wicked Wednesday...And Then Some




--------------------------------------------------
The Test...
Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church.

The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.


The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.


Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all.


The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.


The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man.

"We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

Monday, February 18, 2008

Bizarre Holidays...February 18th-24th

Welcome to another thrilling week of....

Bizarre Holidays...


This week is a biggie filled with mutitudes of fabulous things to celebrate! Shall we check the following dates for something more to add to our already bulging to do list? Oh my yes!...



February 18 is . . . . National Battery Day
February 19 is . . . . National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is . . . . Hoodie Hoo Day
February 21 is . . . . Card Reading Day
February 22 is . . . . Be Humble Day
February 23 is . . . . International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 24 is . . . . National Tortilla Chip Day



Have you picked out a favorite yet?

We have three food related days for you foodies out there..Well if you count dog biscuits that is.


How about being humble? Nah...Too time consuming.


Battery Day only works if you need one..Wait, why wasn't this one BEFORE Christmas when we really needed it?


Card Reading Day..Didn't we do that LAST week?


They all sound like a barrel of laughs but I only have time for one this week.

And the winner is.....


Hoodie-Hoo Day!


Here is some mind numbing information about this..er..holiday.

Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day .....(And I Quote)

On this winter day, people go out at noon, wave their hands over their heads and chant "Hoodie-Hoo".
It is a day to chase away winter and bring in spring. After all, everyone in the northern hemisphere are sick and tired of winter at this point and a little crazy being cooped up inside all winter and not seeing the sun.
Did you know? Hoodie Hoo Day is a copyrighted holiday. It was created and is provided, courtesy of the great folks at Wellcat.com


Aug 22 Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day -- (Insert More Quoting Here..)

Long awaited by our Southern-half friends,
is the day to go outdoors at high noon and yell "Hoodie-Hoo" to chase winter and make ready for spring.

But wait there's more..Go here and send ALL your loved ones an e-card to commemorate this day!


Sounds fascinating doesn't it? I soooo intend to enjoy this lovely day to the hilt. So what if my yearly physical just happens to be on that day. Imagine my doctors joy and surprise when, in the middle of my exam, I sit straight up feet in stir-ups with boobs flying and my hair smashed flat to the back of my head and maniacally yell....


"HOODIE-HOO Y'ALL"


I bet my insurance won't pay for that....:-(

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sunday Funnies...With a hint of Spring!


He said...She said...


He said, I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said, You wear pants don't you?


He said, Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said, That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!


He said, What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said, Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


He said, How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

She said, We don' t know; it has never happened.


He said, What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
She said, A widow.


He said, Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said, Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.




And last ..But not least..A little ditty for the women readers who may be in the throes of (peri /post/or slap dab in the middle ) menopause.Scroll down to the second song

"I'm A Middle-Aged Woman"..Some of the lyrics are a wee bit "colorful" but I guarantee you will laugh and nod your head in agreement!