One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
"My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied,
"No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied,
"No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied,
"Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her,
"Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious.
"You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney."
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Saturday...Blonde Joke Alert
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit.
The prosecutor opened his questioning with,
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!"the defense attorney cried out while jumping to his feet. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again,mopping his sweaty brow.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor turned back to the witness and smugly repeated the question
" SOOOO...Where were you the night of August 24th?"
To which the blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!"
The prosecutor opened his questioning with,
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!"the defense attorney cried out while jumping to his feet. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again,mopping his sweaty brow.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor turned back to the witness and smugly repeated the question
" SOOOO...Where were you the night of August 24th?"
To which the blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!"
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Wicked Wednesday...Amen Sister
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked,
"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and sporting a huge smile said,
"I outlived the bitches."
"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and sporting a huge smile said,
"I outlived the bitches."
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sunday...The Super Bowl
Friday, January 30, 2009
Friday Funny...
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say,
"Supersex.
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said,
"Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,
"I'll take the soup."
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say,
"Supersex.
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said,
"Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,
"I'll take the soup."
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
