Friday Funnie...

BBQ RULES

The BBQ season is in full swing.. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert .

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the importint part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL!

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT
TO THE WOMAN!

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking
efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Wicked Wednesday...Internet Fun

REQUIRED COURSES FOR NEW INTERNET USERS ...

1. An Introduction to Things Everyone Else Has Already Seen

2. Sub-Title: Don't Forward This!

3. Two Paragraphs or Less: Writing An Email People Will Actually Read

4. The Economic Improbabilities of Nigerian Princes

5. Origins and Proper Use of the Caps Lock Key

6. Should I Forward This Email? Three Questions to Ask Yourself

7. Lose vs. Loose: The Eternal Struggle

8. Links You Should Never Click: The Advanced Class

9. You Are Not the 1,000,000,000 Visitor: Why You Didn't Win

10. The Psychology of Web Page Design, or "Don't Click That Ad!"

Monday...Monday Morning At The Movies

Hello and welcome to July's Monday Morning At The Movies, times awastin so grab yourself your favorite edible movie indulgence and a diet soda because we all know that it will
cancel out ALL those bad calories...Right?





Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda....Just when we thought that chapter of our mindless television watching lives was a done deal the girls kiss and make -up and grind out a made for T.V. movie...For the big screen!!!

So who's to say this can't go on forever? For the movie lovers among us who just can't get enough of those wild and crazy New York gals, this one is for you!

Wizards and Warlocks and Witches oh my! I love me some Harry Potter
From a young and slightly naive young lad.



To a not yet world weary but still naive man.




I say let the fun never end..Nice receding hairline Harry.

Wicked Wednesday...Why men should not write advice columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in bed with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila



************************************************

Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps,

WALTER

Tuesday...Safety Tips From Tom...Tip #23 Shipping Safety

When shipping yourself to Grandmas for the summer make sure you choose the right size box.It is almost certain that you have grown since the last time you tried this. Measure twice and pack once.This will insure a comfortable mailing experience.

Monday...Monday Morning Bridal Fair...Some Final Funnies

The points system for men! Now a simple way to show your guy what you really want before or after the wedding.It's always about the score of the game with them anyway...




Simple Duties:

You make the bed
+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows
0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets
-1
You leave the toilet seat up
-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty
0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex
-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom
-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings
+5
But return with beer
-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something
+5
You pummel it with a six iron
+10
It's her father
-10




Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party
0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy
-2
Named Tiffany
-4
Tiffany is a dancer
-6
Tiffany has implants
-8




Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner
0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar
+1
Okay, it is a sports bar
-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night
-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team
-10




A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal
-5
And the pal is happily married
-4
Or frighteningly single
-7
And he drives a Mustang
-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)
-15




A Night Out:

You take her to a movie
+2
You take her to a movie she likes
+4
You take her to a movie you hate
+6
You take her to a movie you like
-2
It's called DeathCop 3
-3
Which features cyborgs having sex
-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans
-15




Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly
-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it
+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts
-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"
-800




The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?"
-5
You hesitate in responding
-10
You reply, "Where?"
-35




Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression
0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes
+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV
+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep
-30

Friday Funny...

The Half-Wit...


A man owned a small farm in the midwest. The State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with the wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," said the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.