Wicked Wednesday...A Do It Yourselfer

Fill in the blanks at the bottom with your own smartass answer..I have faith in you.

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senora Smith? This is Ernestina, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernestina. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to tell you, Senora Smith, that your parrot died."
"My parrot dead! The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senora, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senora Smith."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senora. He ate the meat of a dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senora Smith."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes Senora Smith, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senora."
"Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about?"
"The one at your house, Senora! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"Are you saying that my house is destroyed because of a candle?"
"Si, Senora."
"But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senora Smith."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL!?"
"Your husband, Senora Smith. He showed up very late one night with a lady friend and I thought they were thieves so I hit him with your new.................... "

SILENCE...LONG...SILENCE.. and then ......

"Ernestina, if you broke that............. , you're in deep shit!!"