Friday Funnies...

Picture Day...


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.




"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'




A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,she's dead."












The Doctor Visit...


An 88-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."



The next day the 88 year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.The doctor asked what happened and the man explained.



"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, and still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."



The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"



The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get that dang jar open!"

Wicked Wednesday...Tales From The Pharmacy

Lord Help Him...


A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.



"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."



The young man makes his purchase and leaves.Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.

He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and whispers,

"You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Tuesday Tax Day..

Saturday Night Chuckle...

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

Saturday...LOL Cats...But With Dogs Instead

Me IZ a master of dizguize...No?

Friday Foolery...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly,at 3 O'clock in the morning, a resounding noise came from outside.

The woman,half asleep and sort of bewildered, jumps up from the bed and yells at the man,

"Oh Shit Holy Moly! That must be my husband!"

So the guy quickly got out of bed, scared, and naked. He jumped out the window like a crazy man, smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.

Just a few minutes later he returns totally steamed and tells the woman,

"I'M your husband, you slut hussy!!!

So the woman answers,

"Oh, yeah?!! So why were you running?!! You S.O.B. CAD !!!"

Wicked Wednesday...Mr Fix-It...Didn't