Friday...An Oldie But A Goodie

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck now works for the government.

Wicked Wednesday...A Do It Yourselfer

Fill in the blanks at the bottom with your own smartass answer..I have faith in you.

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senora Smith? This is Ernestina, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernestina. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to tell you, Senora Smith, that your parrot died."
"My parrot dead! The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senora, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senora Smith."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senora. He ate the meat of a dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senora Smith."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes Senora Smith, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senora."
"Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about?"
"The one at your house, Senora! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"Are you saying that my house is destroyed because of a candle?"
"Si, Senora."
"But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senora Smith."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL!?"
"Your husband, Senora Smith. He showed up very late one night with a lady friend and I thought they were thieves so I hit him with your new.................... "

SILENCE...LONG...SILENCE.. and then ......

"Ernestina, if you broke that............. , you're in deep shit!!"

Monday...The Many Moods Of Maxine