From The NEA Journal..Circa 1960 (tweaked by ME!)

An Attorney's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a certain dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and

Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St.Nicholas would arrive; and

Whereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; and

Whereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and

Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; and

Whereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrapeds of a species found in artic regions; and

Whereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the aforesaid animals by their appellations, as follows:
"Your immediate co-operation is requested. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen; and collective action by you will be much appreciated, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen"; and

Whereas, subsequent to the above, there occurred a swift descent to the hearth by the aforementioned gentleman, where he proceeded to deposit gratuities in the aforementioned tubular coverings.

Now, therefore, be ye advised: that upon completion of these acts, and upon his return to his original point of departure, he proclaimed a felicitation of the type prevalent and suitable to these occasions, ie:

Various Holiday Greetings to All and to All a Good Night

Another oldie....

BARBIE’S HOLIDAY LETTER TO SANTA:
Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list, Santa:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your rear?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec!

8. A new image..It's 2007 for Gods sake!. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own pain gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 48 years-I think I deserve it. OK, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie

I HAZ NEW FRENS ?

To anyone who has visited my site and actually looked around ;p You may have noticed the map that shows my visitors worldwide. I often wonder how my three readers travel to all those places to post a comment and return home so quickly.Thanks Guys! BUT anyways..you can check and see where your readers are from..so I did. Here are some of them.

To the readers in Beverly Hills:

If you are looking for my Christmas gift, Rodeo Drive sounds like a good place to shop.You have heard of it..yes?

To my other readers in California:

Let the guys from Beverly Hills shop (there are more of them)

To the reader in Australia:

I would love me something with a pouch, which can hold yet another gift..Hoppy Christmas!

To the readers in France and Switzerland:

Wine and chocolate, no explanation necessary.

To my other readers in Europe (UK):

Chip in some Euros toward the wine and chocolate,I really like the good stuff.

To the readers in Japan and China:

Something small and electronic..no mini Godzillas please.

To my other readers in the U.S:

A Walmart gift card(s) will be fine.

Now I hope you know I am writing this in jest..or am I? I really love having readers from all over. I'm sure most of them found me from my comments at other sites.Which makes me appreciate my three (maybe four) constant readers even more.Thanks again and I'll have my Christmas wish list to you a.s.a.p.

On the second day of December...

I admit it......I'm shameless when it comes to Sam and his "Glamour Shots"

Samson sez..."Merry Christmas...And here's an update...ALL the reindeers ain't girls....Booya!"