This has been my day..I know it's sad . But happy hour is close at hand and "The Boy" is at a sleep over......
Lets get all dolled up and go out..I'm good ..how about you? :PSaturday, November 10, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
Friday is critter day....
I've decided that Friday is critter day......
Due to the shocking drop in temperature in our neck of the woods...40 Degrees BRRRRRR...Samson, my male Mini-Pin, has packed his doggie bags and headed to the islands.
To keep his fans and the paparazzi from finding out where he is and keep a low profile, he will be traveling under an assumed name.
Yo,I hope Snoop Dogg ain't vacationing here too!..FO SHIZZLE!! ..Peace out y'all...
Thursday, November 8, 2007
These are the new rules..Pay attention!
I don't remember where I found these but they still make me laugh each time I read them...I am easily entertained..
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason
you don't talk to people for 25 years -- because you don't particularly like them!
Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -
mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull.
People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili.
Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect It to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope.
If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man,
they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about
your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap
at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water
is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt.
That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle
that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom.
And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be In the morgue.
Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security Crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.
If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf Grande, half-soy, half-low fat,
iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light Ice,
with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card,
Entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding,
No, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed
to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it, doesn't make
you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli."
The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.
You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins.
ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those
athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting?
Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy,
old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so
we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something
was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn' t good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings.
Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you
want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the upper class version of looting.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear "27 Months."
"He's two" will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than
minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh.
If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do You want fries with that?"
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason
you don't talk to people for 25 years -- because you don't particularly like them!
Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -
mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull.
People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili.
Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect It to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope.
If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man,
they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about
your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap
at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water
is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt.
That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle
that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom.
And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be In the morgue.
Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security Crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.
If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf Grande, half-soy, half-low fat,
iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light Ice,
with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card,
Entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding,
No, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed
to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it, doesn't make
you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli."
The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.
You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins.
ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those
athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting?
Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy,
old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so
we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something
was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn' t good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings.
Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you
want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the upper class version of looting.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear "27 Months."
"He's two" will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than
minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh.
If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do You want fries with that?"
On my mind.....
Some folks think todays cartoons are too violent,have no redeeming qualities and teach our children a multitude of bad habits. I guess a lot of them are and they don't and they do..but it's the advertisments ( aka.. Big Business Messing With Your Kids) between these little slices of kid heaven that worries me."The Boy" and I watch a wide variety of sugary cereal, fast food central, brand name toy infested shows..did I mention sugary cereal? During the course of a three hour megacartoon fest,I was incapacitated after gall bladder surgery at the time, I felt the need for Captain Crunch,My Little Pony, Happy Meals and ..HORRORS..to be made over by Barbie and The Bratz Pack.
The FCC is supposed to be cracking down on the violent content of kids shows and hopes to become the nanny of the airwaves. Can you say...The Fifties..girls and boys? But how about all this mass hypnotic, mind controling, America at it's finest commercialism? Didn't we hear some faint mumbles about a change in the way childrens advertising appears to children? Do I think any of this is going to change any time soon? No....we can't have a whole economic goldmine falter so close to Christmas! Do I think it's going to ruin our childrens lives? No....not if we as parents run the show. So long live the Broadcasters and their Sponsers! I'm AM the boss of me!
I realize I'm not saying anything you guys haven't already thought or said but it was on my mind this morning. Now if you will excuse me "The Boy" and I have to finish our Coco Puffs ( free Bee Movie spoon inside) and watch the rest of SpongeBob......
The FCC is supposed to be cracking down on the violent content of kids shows and hopes to become the nanny of the airwaves. Can you say...The Fifties..girls and boys? But how about all this mass hypnotic, mind controling, America at it's finest commercialism? Didn't we hear some faint mumbles about a change in the way childrens advertising appears to children? Do I think any of this is going to change any time soon? No....we can't have a whole economic goldmine falter so close to Christmas! Do I think it's going to ruin our childrens lives? No....not if we as parents run the show. So long live the Broadcasters and their Sponsers! I'm AM the boss of me!
I realize I'm not saying anything you guys haven't already thought or said but it was on my mind this morning. Now if you will excuse me "The Boy" and I have to finish our Coco Puffs ( free Bee Movie spoon inside) and watch the rest of SpongeBob......
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Homeschooling Part 1..The squeaky wheel
We've all had this happen,you go in the grocery store,grab a cart and start shopping.You notice,
right about the produce aisle, that one wheel is off kilter.It's gonna give you trouble,but you can deal with it.Then the subtle squeaking starts..not too bad ,just a wee bit irritating.You find yourself hurrying along trying to get done but the squeaking just gets louder.People are starting to stare.You smile and make excuses for ..A GROCERY CART...
Explaining my choice to homeschool to "The Masses" has been like that fateful trip to the store.It starts out with off kilter remarks.
" This is just for pre-school/kindergarten ..right?" And..
"Oh my! I have college educated friends who wouldn't attempt THAT" Then the subtle squeaking.
" How do you find the time? Are you going to test regularly? How do you know what to teach?"
And the ever popular..
"What grade is he in now? Are you "doing"school today?" But the squeak that seems to be the loudest and most irritating is the ..
"What about ..SOCIALIZATION?"
Many attempts to assure these "well meaning" folks that "The Boy" had no problems dealing with the general populace fell on deaf ears.I pointed out that we only kept him locked in the basement during a full moon.(Don't try this, some folks gave me funny looks).Having no luck trying to convince them that he was fine,healthy AND well adjusted I came up with this remedy...I just tell them my story..
"You know that cart at the grocery store..You know,the one with the squeaky wheel?....."
right about the produce aisle, that one wheel is off kilter.It's gonna give you trouble,but you can deal with it.Then the subtle squeaking starts..not too bad ,just a wee bit irritating.You find yourself hurrying along trying to get done but the squeaking just gets louder.People are starting to stare.You smile and make excuses for ..A GROCERY CART...
Explaining my choice to homeschool to "The Masses" has been like that fateful trip to the store.It starts out with off kilter remarks.
" This is just for pre-school/kindergarten ..right?" And..
"Oh my! I have college educated friends who wouldn't attempt THAT" Then the subtle squeaking.
" How do you find the time? Are you going to test regularly? How do you know what to teach?"
And the ever popular..
"What grade is he in now? Are you "doing"school today?" But the squeak that seems to be the loudest and most irritating is the ..
"What about ..SOCIALIZATION?"
Many attempts to assure these "well meaning" folks that "The Boy" had no problems dealing with the general populace fell on deaf ears.I pointed out that we only kept him locked in the basement during a full moon.(Don't try this, some folks gave me funny looks).Having no luck trying to convince them that he was fine,healthy AND well adjusted I came up with this remedy...I just tell them my story..
"You know that cart at the grocery store..You know,the one with the squeaky wheel?....."
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Really Bad Hair Day
I don't usually watch Oprah,but seeing as how Dr. Oz was on her show yesterday and he really wants us ALL to be young again I figured what the heck.I tried to get my son Tom ( hereafter known as "The Boy") settled down with his toys. This was so I could actually hear the show instead of reading lips.Well needless to say "The Boy" had other ideas.
" But MOM I want you to play with me!"
"Sweetie, Mom wants to watch this show about being healthy and feeling good again"
" Who is that lady ?'
"Thats Oprah Winfrey, this is her show"
"Who is that guy with her..Is that her boyfriend?"
" No honey thats Dr. Oz"
" Well I guess she doesn't have a boyfriend then"
"What makes you say that?"
" She has terrible hair"
" Tom! That's not a nice thing to say"
" Well I don't like her..she has terrible hair"
Some days "The Boy" is brutal in his honesty.
" Sweetie! You can't dislike people because of their hair, Mommy has horrible hair do you not like me?"
" Geez Mom I HAVE to like you ..you're my Mom!"
Sigh.......Sorry Oprah.
" But MOM I want you to play with me!"
"Sweetie, Mom wants to watch this show about being healthy and feeling good again"
" Who is that lady ?'
"Thats Oprah Winfrey, this is her show"
"Who is that guy with her..Is that her boyfriend?"
" No honey thats Dr. Oz"
" Well I guess she doesn't have a boyfriend then"
"What makes you say that?"
" She has terrible hair"
" Tom! That's not a nice thing to say"
" Well I don't like her..she has terrible hair"
Some days "The Boy" is brutal in his honesty.
" Sweetie! You can't dislike people because of their hair, Mommy has horrible hair do you not like me?"
" Geez Mom I HAVE to like you ..you're my Mom!"
Sigh.......Sorry Oprah.
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