Divas Seasons2: 11/9/08

Friday, November 14, 2008

Saturday...Poor Taste Theater

Poor Taste Theater Presents...

POOR TASTE CLONING QUESTIONS:

Are the pope and his clone both infallible?
What if they disagree about something?

Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue?

If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show,wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all look forward to?

If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?

If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby O.J. Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict?

If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us find out?

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait, Henry IV Part II?

If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to play with himself as a child?

Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and "irregulars"?

Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted?

Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two together to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two heads, but that would still be way more normal.

Would it work if I binged and my clone purged?

Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers,create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park called Clonial Williamsburg?

Friday...Those Damn Out Of Towners

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying,

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said,

"I'd calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently,

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying,

"You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed until he finally regained consciousness.

Refocusing his three eyes, he straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied,

"If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder and stick it in his ear."