After reading Mrs. G's post on politics I decided this would be my last comment on the subject as well.....
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Have a great day!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Friday...Deep Thoughts (And House Cleaning Tips) From The Diva
If you can't be kind,at least have the decency to be vague.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Wicked Wednesday...A Fractured Fairy Tale
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water."
"And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!"
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water."
"And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!"
Monday, September 1, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Friday...An Oldie But A Goodie
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Chuck now works for the government.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Chuck now works for the government.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Wicked Wednesday...A Do It Yourselfer
Fill in the blanks at the bottom with your own smartass answer..I have faith in you.
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senora Smith? This is Ernestina, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernestina. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to tell you, Senora Smith, that your parrot died."
"My parrot dead! The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senora, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senora Smith."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senora. He ate the meat of a dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senora Smith."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes Senora Smith, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senora."
"Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about?"
"The one at your house, Senora! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"Are you saying that my house is destroyed because of a candle?"
"Si, Senora."
"But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senora Smith."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL!?"
"Your husband, Senora Smith. He showed up very late one night with a lady friend and I thought they were thieves so I hit him with your new.................... "
SILENCE...LONG...SILENCE.. and then ......
"Ernestina, if you broke that............. , you're in deep shit!!"
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senora Smith? This is Ernestina, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernestina. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to tell you, Senora Smith, that your parrot died."
"My parrot dead! The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senora, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senora Smith."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senora. He ate the meat of a dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senora Smith."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes Senora Smith, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senora."
"Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about?"
"The one at your house, Senora! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"Are you saying that my house is destroyed because of a candle?"
"Si, Senora."
"But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senora Smith."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL!?"
"Your husband, Senora Smith. He showed up very late one night with a lady friend and I thought they were thieves so I hit him with your new.................... "
SILENCE...LONG...SILENCE.. and then ......
"Ernestina, if you broke that............. , you're in deep shit!!"
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