Tuesday...Everything You Did NOT Ask About Halloween Because You Were Afraid I Would Tell You..ONE MORE TIME

Customs and Traditions of Halloween...

A longer more detailed post ( Which I did not write but merely copied ) was here last year but had to be removed.

Apparently I have poked someone with my broom one too many times..Or maybe it was their broom who knows?


Anywho... To the person/persons I riled up.... No Halloween questions for you...One year.

Wicked Wednesday...The Doctor Is Back

Tuesday...EWWWW... Look at all these cobwebs on my blog!

Today's Random Fact:




A snail can sleep for three years.


This is for anyone wondering where I've been...Snail watching
And if you didn't wonder...Never mind.

Monday..."Insert Andy Of Mayberry Theme Song Here"

Back Soon...

Love,

ME!

Thursday...Little Diva (aka My Sister) Haz A Rant

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill...
Barefoot... BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda



And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I
was going to lay a bunch of stuff on my kids about how hard I had it and
how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look
around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've
got it!



I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the
card catalog!!



There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a
pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!





Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter
of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission! Nowhere was
safe!



There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music,
you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!



Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ
would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! There were no CD
players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and
"eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it
useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?



We didn't have fancy junk like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!



There weren't any cell phones either. If you left the house, you just
didn't make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch
with your "friends". OH MY!!! Think of the horror... not being in touch
with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You
kids have no idea how annoying you are.



And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no
idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your
sweetheart, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to
pick it up and take your chances, mister!



We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels
or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win.
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until
you died! Just like LIFE!



You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were out of luck when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off
your behind and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
Oh, no! What's the world coming to?!?!



There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for
cartoons, you spoiled little brats!



And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had
to use the stove! Imagine that!



And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no!
No electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside or said
you were bored... you were doing chores!


And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung
on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the
last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the
dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first
place!



See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have it too
easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes
back in 1980 or any time before!



Regards,

Little Diva & The Over 30 Crowd

Olc An Chéadaoin...Beannacht Lá Fhéile Pádraig !!!

Not Really Wicked Just Fun

Sunday...Today is Einsteins Birthday!

Happy Birthday Dude...Birthday Pi for everyone...!!!

Friday Funny...March Is National Craft Month

OH GOODY!!!!

Are you ready to......

???????

NO? Then Go Here For More

Wicked Wednesday...A Hunting We Will Go!

Monday...WTF Monday...Something whose time has come

Go here







You won't regret it...I hope.


Another Funny Brought To You By...Two Sisters Productions

Sunday Funnies...

POWER OUTAGE


At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an

explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my

Story.



"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually

kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier

smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I

need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then

slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf.

This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of

horrors.



With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the

left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad

so we can get everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised,

and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and

neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied

gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of

square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!



Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working.

Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door.

'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open

so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'



Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how

Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked

with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed

between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type

greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I

knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as

much calmness as Possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take

care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the

line at the grocery store.



Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The

power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to

lunch. Are we upset?'



And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the

clamps...."



The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said

'Case Dismissed!!'..




Another Funny Brought To You By...Two Sisters Produtions

Wicked Wednesday...One of THOSE Days

Monday...WTF Monday...It's The First Day Of March...And National Squirrel Appreciation Day

It's not really National Squirrel Appreciation Day....That was January 21st....No, I'm not kidding!

See for yourself here

Friday Funny...You know these folks

38 KINDER, GENTLER WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS NOT VERY BRIGHT 



1. A few clowns short of a circus

2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal

3. An experiment in artificial stupidity

4. A few beers short of a six-pack

5. Dumber than a box of hair

6. A few peas short of a casserole

7. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box

8. The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead

9. One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl

10. One taco short of a combo plate

11. A few feathers short of a whole duck

12. All foam, no beer

13.The cheese slid off the cracker

14. Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel

15. Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt

16. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear

17. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

18. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down

19. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools

20. As smart as bait

21. Chimney's clogged

22. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash

23. Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair

24. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor

25. Forgot to pay his brain bill

26. Her sewing machine's out of thread

27. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels

28. His belt doesn't go through all the loops

29. If he had another brain it would be lonely

30. Missing a few buttons on his remote control

31. No grain in the silo

32. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse

33. Receiver is off the hook

34. Several nuts short of a full pouch

35. Skylight leaks a little

36. Slinky's kinked

37. Surfing in Nebraska

38. Too much yardage between the goal posts

Got any from your neck of the woods?

Wicked Wednesday...Business As Usual

Monday...WTF Monday...The Foodie Edition

Except for this one.Which might be considered a fetish...

Thursday...Hey Snow..You've been warned!

This pic is for all my blogging friends who have survived the last few weeks of...Snowmeggedon!

(Whoever coined that word please step forward)

.....Picture courtesy of My Sister.....

Wicked Wednesday...The "Twisted Childrens Classics" Edition

Monday...WTF Monday...Road Trip

Sunday...Happy Valentines Day...Warning... Nude Picture

Happy Valentines + Happy Chinese New Year!

 Xin Nian Kuai Le! Gong Hay Fat Choy!

It's also National Condom Day....

So much partying and so little time

Wicked Wednesday...My Sister Just Keeps'em Coming...

A Cardiologist's Funeral...


A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very

elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life...

A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during

the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was rolled

inside.The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful

heart forever.



At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all

eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of

my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.'


The proctologist fainted.





The Badge...


DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher.


He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown

drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over

there," as he points out the location.



The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the

authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear

pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the

rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever

I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I

made myself clear? Do you understand? "



The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.



A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA

officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis

bull......


With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems

likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is

clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence

and yells at the top of his lungs.....


" Your badge.. Show him your BADGE ! "

Tuesday...Groundhogs Day

Looking for some exciting things to do on Groundhogs Day?
Go here and here  for more fun.

Wicked Wednesday...My Sister Sends A Funny

Tinkle


A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked

robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in

because it was too risky to operate...

She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.



All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in

tears.

'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet

came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.



About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.'

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16

years ago.



A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the

Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came

out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with my self and I shot the dog.'

Monday...I Was Gone With The Wind...But Now I'm Back...Does Anyone Give A Damn?

Monday...Ghosts In The Machine..AKA..Computer Problems

Thats an understatement...

I'm working on it!