Saturday...Halloween 101

Top Twenty Halloween "Lessons" we learned from the Movie's !

20. Never EVER stay overnight in the Funeral Home/Haunted House/Dark Scary Forest on a dare...Why do you think they aren't coming with you?

19.If the car starts itself it's usually a good idea not to get in it.

18. The scantily clad drunk bimbo chick always dies...Stay away from her.

Notice I didn't say blonde...Redheads and brunettes can be bimbos too. *snort*

17. When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead. Don't stand next to it and do high fives with your companions. AND if you simply must make out with the person you are with go far far away to do it...The next county would do quite well.

16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

15. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.Now that I think about it don't go in the attic either.

14. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device belonging to deceased companions.

*Update* Cell Phones now considered EVIL.

13. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out. Please don't stick your hand in the garbage disposal to see if you can "fix" it.

12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, ANY small town in Maine,or (if you are a Bentley Little fan ) ANY small town in the desert

11. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several hundred rounds to kill them, so be prepared!

10. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

9. When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

8. Do not take *anything* from the dead or Witch Doctors,Really Old Native Americans, Trolls,Genies,Gypsies etc..You get my drift.

7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell...We all know where that gets you.

6. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

5. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.And never under any circumstance dance on anyones grave.

4. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. This goes double for Ouija Boards...Unless it belonged to Granny and she is trying to tell you where she hid/buried the money/will/Grandpa.

I'm just saying is all...

3. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help...Duh!

2. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*and last but not least...

1. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away!