Saturday...The Divas Guide To Men

Chapter One:



THE UNBIASED AND COMPLETLY TRUTHFUL GUIDE TO WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...



"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."



"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".

Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."



"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Means: "Are you still talking?"



"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."



"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".

Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."



"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."



"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".

Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty darn soon."



"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.



"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Means: "What did you catch me at?"



"I HEARD YOU."

Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."



"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."

Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.



"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving already."



"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."



"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."

Means: "I make the mess, she cleans it up."